monday musings link up #2: how I really feel about baby #4

This post is a sensitive one. It might be an emotional trigger for those who are struggling with fertility issues or child loss. I wrote this with intended love and respect and I sincerely hope that I do not cause further heartache for anyone. 
You can always feel free to email me at littledovecreations@gmail.

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Thank you so much for all the love when I announced my pregnancy last month! I am overwhelmed by all the encouragement and congratulations. That is one of the things I love about this online community, you really get to feel a close kindred with people that you've never met! You share in their heartaches, as well as their triumphs.

You might have thought it was strange that I was already 19 weeks along when I shared the news with the general public.  My husband and I have never been ones to announce a pregnancy early. We have always followed the "wait until the first trimester is over" school of thought before letting friends know, and only once did will tell family members during the first trimester (but it was still around 12.5 weeks). My mother had three miscarriages of her own, and two of those were second trimester losses, so I know all too well that your personal journey towards happily ever after might have some bumps and heartaches along the way.

This was the longest we've ever waited to share our joy with others, and there were a few reasons for that. One of the biggest ones was that when I took my positive pregnancy test (on the morning of New Year's Eve!), I really had no clue how far along I was. I was still nursing my youngest several times a day and I tend not to get a cycle when I'm nursing. I hadn't been tracking anything, so our best guess was that I was somewhere around 4-6 weeks along. By the time I was able to get an ultrasound appointment at the beginning of February to estimate gestational age, I was already 13 weeks, 2 days. So yeah, we had been way off. At least all my back pain and complete exhaustion for the past couple months was explainable though. :)

We told our parents around 15 weeks, and then we wanted to wait just a little longer to tell siblings and grandparents. My doctor had told me that although I was in great health, and I hadn't had problems with my previous pregnancies, there were still increased risks with having babies so closer together (18 months or closer), such as higher miscarriage rate and higher risk of preterm labor. So we waited until I'd had my next doctor's appointment and I got to hear that wonderful whoosh-whoosh sound of the heartbeat again to confirm that, at least for now, everything was well.

We felt shocked to see how big the baby already was at the first ultrasound.

Another reason why I wanted to keep putting it off, was because I was nervous to share our newest blessing with others. Not because we weren't excited, but because I was going to have four babies while others have none.

I feel so incredibly blessed that my loving Heavenly Father has given us the opportunity to be parents again.
I feel so blessed that we've been able to get pregnant relatively easily and that my pregnancies (so far, for the most part) have gone smoothly.
I feel blessed that all my babies so far are healthy and have been born at full term (My first two were born at 38 weeks and 38 weeks, 2 days. According to the "new" guidelines as of Fall 2013, they would now be considered early term.)
I don't know why we've been so blessed thus far in these ways.

Our first picture as a family of five last February.

I don't know why some couples struggle for years before they're blessed with a child.
I don't know why some women endure multiple miscarriages, wreaking havoc on their bodies and their emotions.
I don't know why some couples get to experience pregnancy and delivery of a child to call their own, while other couples get to choose a child through adoption.
I don't know why some couples must spend a small fortune to be able to conceive children, or worse yet, have their hopes and bank accounts drained time and time again fruitlessly.
I don't know why some women have such a sincere desire to be mothers but their prayers seem to go unanswered.
I don't know why some babies are born into families where they are unwanted and unloved, where they're not given the adoration that their sweet spirits deserve.
I don't know why, and I am not a person that believes that everything happens for a reason.

But I do know that we each have a loving Heavenly Father who knows ours struggles and knows the desires of our hearts.
I know that we have an elder brother, Jesus Christ, who suffered all the physical and emotional pains of every person who has ever lived or will ever live on this earth.
I know that we are not alone.
I know that you are not alone. You are known, you are loved, you are valued.

So our family is rejoicing in this newest little spirit we've been entrusted with. I am in awe with this opportunity we've been given, and I do not take it lightly. Whether you have one child, or eight, being a parent is a great responsibility and blessing.

Is there a part of me that wonders how I'll ever go out with all four kids in tow? Sure; but I thought that after my second and third child as well. Now I can run errands with the whole gang with minimal tears (on my part).
Do I yearn for peace and quiet and just an hour to myself, or to be able to enjoy a meal without getting interrupted 10 times? Oh yeah; that's why I wait until both little girls are napping and plop my son in front of the tv so I can eat a peaceful lunch everyday. At like 2:00 pm.
Is sleep something I have too little of and do I begrudge my husband for the fact that he's deeper, sounder sleeper than I am? Absolutely, but I also know the day will come when I miss hearing the pitter-patter of little feet coming into our room or children crying for us in the night.
Probably.
Eh... maybe. ;)

So when I'm out and about with my little crew and people give me the infamous, "Wow, you have your hands full", I like to respond with a smile and something along the lines of, "Yeah, we have a lot of fun!" Or, "Maybe, but I feel so blessed!"

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While I have you here, I want to quickly remind you about the giveaway I'm hosting! 

It's a pretty great prize pack (if I do say so myself) valued at $100!

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Now it's time for me to hear from you! Monday Musings is a link up where we get to know a little something about each other, whether it be a trial or triumph, a memory or a wish for the future.  Do you want to share your favorite trip with us? Your childhood crush? A day in your life? Link up a vintage post, or a new one, it doesn't matter as long as we get to know something about you! Please either grab the Monday Musings button or include a text link on your original post, and be sure to visit and comment on some other posts!